i mean … he hasn’t really had one.
there’s this bizarre misconception about him ( among many ) in the TWAU fandom that’s he’s some sex-crazed fuck machine just from his crass language, attitude, and appearance, and i can literally always tell when someone isn’t familiar with his Actual Character From His Source Materials at all because of it.
grendel finds himself physically repulsive in every possible way. he has avoided sexual intimacy due to the fact.
he’s tried, too. believe me. he’s tried. women first, and when he came away from it shaking and feeling nauseated having fled before he could so much as bring himself to take off their shirts, androgynous people and nonbinary folk. drag queens, a lot of the time. that still just wouldn’t … cut it. finally having accepted that he was only attracted to men and masculine people, he tried with them, and it worked! it worked because … i mean … he liked it. while it lasted. but it never went all the way.
outside of the context of his prior sexual assaults ( he’s been through a fucking lot ) and a couple high make-outs in the bar bathroom that he doesn’t even remember, by now, grendel doesn’t let people touch him – much less penetrate him. he doesn’t want the attention to be on him. he’s uncomfortable with receiving pleasure. i think grendel has touched other people before, though, sure. maybe given some handies, once or twice. but he never looked any of these men in the eyes, or even knew their faces, as he tended to drunkenly explore sex at the local gloryhole rather than make an effort at a legitimate hookup.
the only good “sexual experience” there is to Actually Speak Of is after he meets his baby; shit just never feels wrong with him.
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